So you have a DNA match. Perhaps this person has a name in their tree that you’d like to know more about, or you share a lot of DNA and you want to see if you can figure out the connection. Unless the company you did your testing with has an internal messaging system, you will need to craft an email. Perhaps you want to send a few emails out. Either way, it helps to have a form email ready where you just have to fill in the blanks.

The goal of the email is to get a response back, so the more generic you are, the less likely you are to get a response. However, if your email reads like a novel, you are also less likely to get a response. Of course, regardless of how well-crafted your email is, there’s always the possibility that you won’t get a response anyway. I like to think that one day I will be able to craft an email so perfect that my DNA match can’t help but reply. A girl can dream, right?

Adding relevant information to your email shows the match that you have done a little bit of work to try to figure this match out and aren’t just asking them to do the work for you. It’s possible that you might get a very enthusiastic response from a match with nothing other than “we share DNA, want to try to figure out how?” (I have) but I’ve also come across someone in a Facebook genealogy group who as a rule doesn’t answer these emails. (Would it kill you to send a link to your tree and wish them good luck? But I digress.)

Since some people manage more than one DNA account, it is important to always put the name of your match (and Gedmatch kit number if applicable). Then you can proceed with whatever other information you think might be relevant. The amount of useful information will vary depending on the match. If I also know that this person and I also a match with someone that I know, I will mention that, along with more identifying information (e.g. so-and-so is my mother’s brother). This helps narrow down which branch of the tree our common ancestor will be found in, and if the match is so accommodating as to take a look at my tree, allows them to zero in exactly where we might have some overlap. Regardless if you can nail down the branch of the tree, it can be helpful to suggest which branch you think the common ancestor will be in, or at the very least, which branches they will definitely not be in (e.g. unless you are of this particular ethnic origin, we are probably looking at a maternal ancestor). If you have other matches that you don’t know, but have figured out between them that the common link is a particular ethnicity or country of origin, this bears mentioning as well. If you are emailing because you see a common name between your trees, that’s also helpful to note, although it’s entirely possible that the name is a red herring. If your email is longer than this paragraph, it’s definitely too long. If it’s as long as this paragraph, it’s probably still too long.

Don’t forget to include information for your match if they want to follow up on their end. This includes websites where they can find your tree (and not everyone has a subscription to a paid site, so include a link to a free one, because of course you have more than one family tree online, right?). Your Gedmatch kit number is also a good idea to include, even if you didn’t find the match there (if you don’t have a Gedmatch kit number please read this post here).

Here’s an example of a short roundup. “You’re also a match to my mother’s brother, so we are definitely looking at my Doe line. I can see that our other matches have Polish ancestry, so we are probably looking for a Polish ancestor.”

Here’s the generic email I use to contact my matches. Feel free to borrow it.

[email@address.com]

Subject: [name of testing company] DNA match

Hi,

This is regarding a DNA match with [name of match and Gedmatch kit number if applicable]. I was wondering if you’d be interested in trying to find our most recent common ancestor. [short roundup of other relevant information]

Please respond even if the answer is no.

Best,

[your name here]

I have a family tree on [insert name of paid site and URL here]

If you’re not on [paid site] you can check me out on [name and URL of free site]

I’m also on GEDmatch: [insert kit number here]

Would love to hear your feedback about this topic! Do you have a proven technique to get DNA matches to email back? Requirements from DNA matches who email you before you respond? A vent about how DNA matches who don’t respond are the worst? Tell me all about it in the comments!